


Makes me feel I'm falling down

by Veto_power_over_clocks



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Family is something you make out of the people you find on the way, Gen, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-23
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:43:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/972296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veto_power_over_clocks/pseuds/Veto_power_over_clocks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rasing a titan shifter in the Survey Corps isn't easy, but at least there's the comfort that you won't have to do it alone. Now your only worries are surviving the next expedition and making sure the kid doesn't do anything that might make him qualify as a threat and get him dissected.</p><p>(Hanji Zoë wanted to kill titans and bring glory to humanity. Then she found Eren Yeager.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Makes me feel I'm falling down

**Author's Note:**

> I was looking for prompts in the kink meme and found this:
> 
> "There's a theory that it's entirely possible that the injections that Eren's father gave him were NOT, in fact, supposed to turn him into a Titan, but rather do something else entirely. The post on tumblr I read said that it was possible that Eren's father had actually injected him long ago so that he DIDN'T turn into a Titan and that the injections were to undo the previous injection so that he could, again.
> 
> Anyway, Hanji's riding along with the scouting legion when Eren is about five years old and in Titan form, he's small enough at this point that when Hanji goes in for the kill, she finds that inside the lump of flesh that she cut out of the 15 meters' neck, is a child! An unconscious, mostly but not entirely unharmed child! She pulls the rest of the meat off of him, bundles him in her cloak, and carries him off to HQ."
> 
> Title from ["Dead Hearts"](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQT2HVfxJu4) by Stars.
> 
> Thanks to my beta for editing this.

**I.**

During Hanji's first week in the Survey Corps, Isabel told her that it wasn't smart to fight angry. She'd been part of Hanji's Trainee Corps, a pale girl that seemed to be more bones than meat and who tended to laugh at everything, and who almost choked on her food when she saw the look Hanji gave her after hearing her comment.

"Don't look at me like that!" she said between coughs while Hanji patted her back. "You'd better learn it before it gets you killed."

"How am I supposed to fight them, then? Happily?"

"Sure, why not? But not in a psychotic 'I'm so glad I get to kill you way,' though," Isabel said, smiling, showing the spot where one of her teeth was missing (she'd crashed against a tree during her first time using the 3D maneuver gear, and she'd laughed despite the blood and the pain of her broken nose at the way the air passed through the gap producing a whistling sound).

"You can't be serious. Those things have killed hundreds and you expect me to ignore that as I fight?"

"Of course! If you think about it, you might get scared, and then you'd die. What a stupid way to die! I wouldn't be able to cry for you, it would be so dumb I'd laugh. And you can't fight angry; angry people fight like idiots, and I can't pity you if you die like an idiot. I'll just get mad at you."

"Why do you assume I'm going to die?" said Hanji, feeling herself get angrier at the girl with every word that she said. She was remembering why she hadn't spent much time around her when they'd been trainees.

"We're all going to die here, it's obvious. No one joins the Survey Corps expecting to survive, and even if you do, afterwards you die of boredom because life at the walls is too simple, and you're completely alone. No matter what you do, this job kills you at the end!"

"Then why did you join?"

"I liked the uniform, and it's not like I had a more promising future. But you? I remember you in class, you're smart, I can tell! What's the point in dying earlier than you should by acting stupid?" Isabel's eyes were wide as she stared at Hanji in puzzlement. It made Hanji uncomfortable, and she quickly excused herself, wondering if she should have tried explaining to the madwoman that there wasn't any other way to fight the titans.

"Don't waste your time, there's barely anything left of me," Isabel muttered two years later as she laid on the ground, with Hanji desperately trying to stop the bleeding. "You know, Hanji? I always thought that I was so skinny, I could slip between a titan's fingers. Guess I was wrong!" She'd tried to laugh, but what came out was a weak noise that sounded more like a cough and that Hanji blocked in order to focus on her task.

Isabel had been seventeen when she died. Hanji felt so furious that it took her a week to calm down and cry for her friend.

She decided to remember Isabel, because someone had to, because no one else remembered her correctly, they only got parts of her right and they only thought of her as the laughing girl. Still, she left out of her memories the advice she'd received two years ago, because, really, how could she be expected not to be angry after that?

 

**II.**

They watched the tall creature, the most proportionate titan Hanji had ever seen. It had pointed teeth, with long and thin eyes, and instead of going around trying to kill them it sat on the ground with its legs pulled up, embracing its knees with its arms.

It wasn't moving, and so they prepared for what they'd hoped would be an easy kill. As the other three people with her readied themselves in case she failed, Hanji jumped from the tree she'd been standing on and sliced the titan's neck. As soon as they were sure she'd killed it, they started moving, no point in standing over the corpse to gloat when there were so many others out there.

Hanji was getting ready to leave when a small movement out the corner of her eye caught her attention, and when she turned she saw a boy trying to crawl out of the slice of titan neck she'd just cut.

Her first instinct told her to kill it. No matter how young he looked, the brat had come out of the neck of a fucking titan, and they couldn't take chances. The more of those things that died, the better.

Her second instinct was to run over to the kid, because he'd collapsed on the ground and one of his legs was missing, and he was shaking as he cried and called out to a mother who wasn't there.

Hanji wrapped her arms around the kid and held him tight, and watched as his leg started to grow back. He fainted as that happened.

She looked at the boy. How old could he have been? How had he gotten there? He'd made a hundred questions appear in her mind, but the most relevant was what am I supposed to do with him?

Hanji was nineteen years old when she cleaned the titan flesh off the kid and wrapped him in her cloak, wondering if she'd just found the answer to humanity's problems, or the source of all the problems she'd have for the rest of her life.

It didn't matter. In that moment, the only relevant thing was finding a way to get the kid to the headquarters without anyone noticing his regenerating leg.

 

**III.**

Getting the boy to the headquarters was easier than expected. Sure, she was unable to keep him hidden from the rest of the squad as she approached the horses, because no one had such bad sight that they wouldn't notice that she was carrying a kid, but all she had to do was make sure they couldn't see his leg, and to everyone who asked she told them she'd found him unconscious in the forest. No one was going to reprimand her for saving a life, no matter how strange it was to find someone who wasn't a soldier outside of the walls, so they kept any other questions for later.

During the ride back, the boy opened his eyes and looked at her as if trying to understand what was happening, then his eyes widened in horror and he started screaming.

"Shhhh, shhh, it's okay, it's okay!" Hanji said, trying to keep hold of the kid without letting go of the reins, which was made harder by how he kept squirming, trying to get away from her. She grew more nervous each moment that passed; she could feel the stares of everyone in the troops, and if that kept going it was only a matter of time until someone started demanding explanations.

"Can't you cover his mouth and shut him up?" said a slightly annoyed voice at her side. Hanji mentally cringed. That was the exact kind of someone she didn't want demanding explanations.

She tried turning to look at the source of the voice, but the boy wouldn't stop moving and she had to use both hands to keep him in place, so her focus was more directed towards not falling off the horse than to give the soldier an angry look. At least the soldier decided to be useful, because he reached over to grab the reins she'd just let go of, and Hanji felt thankful that she wouldn't have to worry about steering her horse in the right direction. Of course, that also meant she had no chance of escaping to some other part of the formation to avoid talking.

She spared a glance at the man holding the reins of her horse. He was a strange case in the Survey Corps, a 24 years old who’d only joined last year, the oldest and shortest of the new recruits (also the least sociable one). Hanji had never been too clear about his name. Levi Something? Something Levi? He'd been introduced as Levi, and she'd never bothered to find out if that was his first name or his last name, mainly because he looked so small that she honestly hadn't expected him to survive for long, despite the fact that Corporal Smith had personally dragged him to the Corps (whether that dragging had been literal or not hadn't been confirmed). After a year, though, she had to admit that his chances of surviving were some of the highest in the troops, as long as everything depended on his skill and luck didn't get her hands into the situation.

Levi wasn't looking at Hanji, he was glaring at the boy in her arms, who was still trying to get away and asking for help.

"Listen, brat," Levi said, his expression unchanging as he spoke, "if you keep moving you'll fall. Have you ever fallen off a horse? You won't like it. Now stay calm or you're riding with me."

The boy froze instantly, and alternatively looked between Levi and Hanji, who tried to give him a reassuring smile. He nodded, took hold of the cloak he was wrapped in and pulled it over his head, exposing his leg for a minute. It was almost completely regenerated, but there were a few spots where the skin was still growing back.

Hanji panicked and quickly moved to cover him, but when she raised her eyes she knew that Levi had seen the quick changes in the kid's wounds. His eyes were focused, his lips tightened into a thin line, and when she met his eyes she could see the question in them: what have you brought?

"He's a kid!" she whispered, putting as much strength into her words as she could, trying to get back the reins of her horse. Levi simply put them out of her reach.

"What will you do with him?"

"I don't know. I just took him. I just… look, I don't know, but I wasn't leaving him there."

Levi looked thoughtful for a minute, and then gave her the reins back.

"You can't keep him hidden."

"I know."

"You'll have to tell someone."

"I know! I was thinking about Corporal Smith. He's always seemed reasonable." Hanji sounded absolutely miserable, and the truth was that she didn't feel much better.

Levi nodded and looked at the kid again.

"Clean him up first. It should make a better impression."

"Are you helping me?"

"It's not about you. You've brought a problem to the Survey Corps, so it's my problem as well."

"You're not as bad as I thought," Hanji said, smiling, and Levi looked like he wanted to push her off the horse.

 

**IV.**

They rushed into the nearest bathroom to take care of the boy's appearance, and, while both Hanji and the kid seemed content with a change of clothes, Levi had filled the bathtub with water before throwing the still dressed kid inside. When the boy emerged, he kept opening and closing his mouth, looking like a furious fish, and the moment was so ridiculous that for an instant Hanji understood why Isabel used to laugh at everything.

Thinking of Isabel brought the memories of all her fallen comrades to Hanji's mind, and a pang of guilt hit her. What was she doing, taking care of a titan boy? But she'd made a decision, thus she'd have to accept its consequences, so she kneeled next to Levi, who was trying to get the boy out of his drenched clothes (and being met with fierce resistance), and stopped him.

"What exactly are you doing?" she said.

"Getting him clean. He looks like a mess, and you do too," Levi replied, looking at her with almost perfectly masked disgust.

"Did you have to do it like that? Be nicer! Look around you, there's water everywhere," she reprimanded him, but he didn't seem to notice; he was busy looking around the room, muttering something about mops and dry clothes. Hanji just sighed, turning her attention to the boy, who looked wary and ready to run away at the first chance. "Sorry, I guess we haven't been too nice. My name's Hanji," she said, stretching her hand to him.

The boy looked at her hand, then back at her and, slowly, reached it and shook it with his own.

"Eren," he muttered. It was like all the tension on his shoulders left him with that word, because he held tightly onto her hand, lowered his head and started crying again.

"Oh, Eren, it's okay."

"No, it's not!" the boy said between sobs. "My leg was hurting and now it isn't, I'm wet, and I don't know where I am."

Hanji reached to stroke Eren's back in a way she hoped was comforting, then tried to steady her voice so her nervousness wouldn't show when she spoke.

"I'm sorry for dragging you here like that, but I didn't know what else to do. It'll be okay, I promise," Hanji said. Next to her, Levi gave her a look of disbelief. Hanji glared at him.

Eren raised his head, looking at her in the eyes, as if trying to determine if she was being sincere, and Hanji held his gaze, trying to look sure of herself.

"Okay," said the boy shakily. "Okay," he repeated, a bit louder and steadier.

"Good. Let's get you clean. But in a smart way, with warm water and without ruining your clothes."

"They're ruined anyway," said Levi. "A pantleg is missing, plus there's blood everywhere."

"Blah, blah. Help me find him something to wear."

"Get him clean first."

"You can do that on your own, can't you?" Hanji asked Eren, who nodded and started taking off his clothes.

It turned out that the kid was shaped like a normal human - Hanji felt embarrassed when she noticed it. Levi was unfazed, but probably the only way to get him to react would be by having something explode while he wasn't looking. He kept pointing out to Eren each spot that hadn't been scrubbed clean yet, and he only left to get him clothes once he'd determined that he was actually clean, leaving Hanji with the task of drying him.

"You'll have to excuse him," she said as she rubbed a towel against his hair. Eren himself was wrapped in another towel, one that was big enough to circle him twice. "I didn't know he was such a clean freak!"

To her relief and surprise, Eren laughed, and when Levi arrived with the smallest pants he'd found (which weren't his, as he quickly cleared out when Hanji asked), both Eren and Hanji were laughing so hard they were crying, but neither of them could explain why they felt so glad to be alive.

 

**V.**

"If I've understood correctly," Corporal Smith said, crossing his hands and leaning slightly forward, "this kid was inside a titan, and you brought him here without consulting with anyone. Also, he was wounded, and all his injuries disappeared in the time it took you to get here, a bit like how titans regenerate." Hanji had added more details to the story to make it sound like she'd actually thought about what she'd been doing, glossing over the gravity of Eren's wounds, but, simplified, her story sounded bad, leaning towards terrible. Her only hope was that Eren would keep quiet like she'd asked him to, but she doubted the Corporal would decide anything without talking to him first. "And then," the Corporal put emphasis into the second word, as if it was the most important part of everything, "you made him take a bath." He looked pointedly at Levi, who gave a small shrug. He'd changed clothes after they'd cleaned the bathroom, the Corporal looked impeccable (how did he keep his hair so perfect? That defied everything Hanji knew about the world; hair didn't work like that, it became messy and ugly after a mission and stayed that way for days… she would have liked to discover if there was something special about his hair. Maybe being blonde had that effect?) and Eren's clothes, while oversized, were spotless, which left Hanji as the most disheveled person in the room. She tried not to care about it, make it into something that protected her instead of something that set her apart from her superior.

"Yes, sir," Hanji replied, trying to sound like she knew what was coming.

The Corporal looked at them with an inscrutable expression as he stood. He approached Eren, kneeled in front of him, softening his expression and smiling, and, shit, that was a nice smile, the kind that could be used to get information out of the meanest granny and the shiest kid. If he had a smile for every occasion, Hanji could see the guy getting far if he survived. Commander?

"Hello, they tell me your name's Eren. Is that right?" the Corporal said, and Hanji started praying.

Eren looked up at Hanji, silently asking what to do. She nodded; the only thing left was to hope that the man was as reasonable as he looked. Considering he'd brought Levi into the Survey Corps, maybe she should have thought twice before talking to him.

"Yes," Eren said.

"Do you have a last name?" Oh, that was a good question. The kind of thing you have to take care of instead of throwing kids into bathtubs.

"Yeager. Eren Yeager."

"Do you have a family, Eren?"

"Yes."

Here came the kidnapping charges. There went her titan killing days. What would she do with her time? How would she help destroy the monsters?

"Where are they?"

"At home, in Shiganshina," Eren said.

Hanji raised her eyebrows in surprise and looked at Levi. The boy had been found too far away from that district, which meant that a 15 meter titan had somehow managed to leave the city completely unnoticed, or that the boy had managed to sneak out. Both things didn't speak too well of the Garrison.

The Corporal nodded, as if anything made sense. "Who do you live with?"

"My mom and dad."

"What are their names?"

"Carla and Grisha. Will you take me with them?"

"We'll see what we can do." The Corporal sounded so concerned, Hanji had a hard time determining if he was being genuinely nice or not. She couldn't reach a definitive conclusion. "I have a doubt, Eren. How did you leave Shiganshina?"

"I don't remember well. My dad said we had something important to do and he got us out."

"And then?"

"I think my dad had a needle, and I fell. And then Hanji was carrying me on a horse and my leg hurt. And then it didn't. And we got here."

"Do you remember anything else?"

Eren was deep in thought for a moment - he looked so worried as well, just like a normal lost little kid, that Hanji wondered for the tenth time in an hour how he'd ended up inside a titan. Did he qualify as a monster? Were there other titans with kids inside? Had she killed any?

"I wanted to go home, but I didn't know where it was. And I was afraid. And alone. And then I felt pain. Here," he said, pointing to his neck. Hanji cringed and reached to rub at the spot Eren had pointed at. "And then here," he added, pointing at the area where his leg had been cut off. Corporal Smith raised his eyes to look at Hanji, and she knew she'd have to talk to him again later, without Eren.

"I see." Smith stood, adopting his serious voice, the one that showed he was the leader and knew what was best for the mission. It didn't usually mean that good things would happen to people. "Listen, Eren, we'll try to find your family. Until then, you'll have to stay here. Hanji will take care of you."

"What?" exclaimed Hanji. She should have expected some sort of 'you broke it, you bought it' policy on the kid, but… well… "I don't think it's a good idea, sir. I mean… I'm not his mother. I don't think I'll ever be anyone's mother. I'm not even sure I could be a father. I don't believe I'm qualified to take care of him."

"You don't have to be his mother, you just have to take care of him for a while."

"And what about missions?"

"You're still going on those."

"Sir, there's a mortality rate of 30%."

"You just have to survive until we get him home." The Corporal's tone admitted no discussions, and Eren was looking at her expectantly. Even Levi seemed interested in her answer. Hanji noticed that she was still rubbing the spot on Eren's neck where he'd hurt.

"I think I can manage for some time, sir," Hanji said. Eren gave her a small smile.

 

**VI.**

There was no doubt that the kid was a titan. That was the only explanation; he was a body that moved through mysterious ways, comprised only of a never filling stomach, because how else could he eat so much?

Hanji watched in admiration as Eren devoured everything they'd put on his plate, as well as the second portion they'd allowed him to get, then how he looked at the food other people still had. She wouldn't have put it past him to try to steal some scraps while no one was looking, so she took her bread, snatched Levi's when he was distracted and gave them to Eren.

"Hey," said Levi when he noticed what had happened. Hanji shrugged and pointed at Eren.

"He's still growing. Nothing can be done about you."

"Very funny, Shitty Glasses."

"Is that my pet name?" Hanji asked, glad to have some banter to distract herself from worrying about how a titan kid would probably have to throw up soon in order to keep eating.

"A pet name involves some degree of familiarity."

"We're raising a kid together, I think we're beyond formalities at this point." Hanji gave him a dreamy smile and batted her eyelashes, trying hard not to laugh as she did so.

"We're not raising a kid. You're looking after a brat you kidnapped while our superiors try to take care of the mess, and I'm watching the disaster with wide-eyed wonder," he deadpanned.

"Details, details," Hanji said distractedly, her mind busy coming up with a scenario that would make Levi look around him in wonder.

Eren had finished eating, seemingly sated, and soon after he was nodding off.

"Eren, don't sleep here!" Hanji said, softly shaking the boy by the shoulders. He opened one eye, looking at her tiredly, but she still made him get to his feet to go to bed.

Since she'd been charged with Eren's care, they moved Hanji to one of the few rooms that were still empty. It had a bunk bed, a desk and a small wardrobe, and the only difference for Hanji was that instead of sharing the room with another soldier, she had to share it with Eren.

She put the boy to bed and closed the door behind her. Then she went to find the Corporal. She guessed it'd be better to talk to him again as soon as possible.

Without Eren present to keep the mood light and without Levi to provide silent criticism, the second conversation was more honest. Hanji explained everything, without keeping details and without adding things, and when she was done she felt sure that, somehow, the Corporal had already expected what she'd just told him.

"You do realize we can't send him back home, do you?" he finally said, and Hanji had to make an effort not to look away from his serious expression.

"Yes, I do."

"You also realize that we don't know what he's capable of." Hanji nodded. "The Commander will find out sooner than later, and after that it's only a matter of time before the Military Police hear about him. Nobody wants them to get him."

The priority was finding Eren's parents, but afterwards, they'd have to worry about making sure he stayed with the Survey Corps, which meant Hanji would have to become a researcher. She looked surprised at the development.

"We need to prove he's better for humanity alive than dead, so we have to find out more about him. You'll have to help with that. Eren seems to trust you, or at least like you."

"I'm not going to experiment on a child! Can't we use titans for that? Normal titans, the kind that don't have kid filling."

"Do you have any ideas about that?"

Hanji frowned, trying to put her thoughts in order. Since she'd found Eren, her head had been full of theories and worries, so all she needed was a chance to transform the latter into the former and then work on them.

"I don't think all the titans are children. The one I found Eren inside of was different from the others I've seen; big and proportionate, and it didn't show any interest in me when I approached it. It was curled up, protecting itself. Eren said he doesn't remember, but I'm sure that titan was moving according to his instincts, and all he wanted was safety."

"Do you have any ideas of how he ended up in there?"

"None. I'm guessing he made the body out of thin air, just like he made himself a new leg, but I'm not sure."

"If he did, he can do it again. If he really acts based on instinct, the next trigger might be something that makes him uncontrollable, and then the Military Police will get him."

Hanji paused to consider the turn the conversation was taking.

"You don't want me to research; you want me to keep him in check," Hanji said carefully, her voice turning harder. To his credit, the Corporal didn't try to deny the accusation. "The Commander already knows, doesn't he?"

"I told him as soon as I decided how we had to act."

"And he agreed to your suggestion?"

"He did. He sees potential in having a titan on our side."

The words felt like a blow. For a second, all she could think about was what they implied, and soon she felt anger running through her body, a shock of energy that made her clench her jaw, making her hands into fists in an attempt not to lash out. She took a deep breath and looked for something to focus on, so what came to her mind was a night four years ago, having dinner during her first week at the Survey Corps, with Isabel telling her that fighting when you're angry led to fighting like an idiot.

"He wants him as a weapon," Hanji said coolly, her face expressionless and her body tense. "I agree to watch Eren and to keep him in check, but I won't let him use him. And I won't let you either, if the idea ever crosses your mind."

"Why do you assume I haven't thought about it?"

"I've always thought you're a smart and decent man. You do what's best for everyone, and putting a not yet mentally mature boy to fight in a war won't make anyone any good. You'll wait until he's older."

The Corporal smiled.

"It's good to know you're smarter than the way you fight implies."

What came afterwards were details; how to find the parents, how to keep Eren calm, how to control him in case he made the titan body appear again.

Hanji returned to her room three hours after she'd left it, tired, angry and afraid, and when she opened the door she was met by Eren's eyes, staring at her from the top bunk, where she thought she'd left him sleeping.

"Can't sleep?" she asked, feigning a light tone.

"Is there something wrong with me?" Eren asked. He looked ready to start crying again.

Hanji walked to the bed and climbed to him. He scooted over to leave her some room at his side.

"There's nothing wrong," she said, grinning. "You're just different from every kid we know, but that's okay! It makes you into an interesting person!"

Eren looked up at her, unshed tears shining on his eyes, so Hanji reached an arm to run her hand through his hair, in a way she remembered her mother doing when she'd been little.

"It's fine, don't worry. We'll take care of everything."

Eren curled up, and she kept playing with his hair until he fell asleep.

 

**VII.**

While many had seen Hanji carrying Eren with her back to headquarters, no one had apparently thought he'd stay for more than one night, so the general behavior around him on his second day on the grounds was to look at him in bewilderment. For Hanji, it was the funniest event she'd witnessed in years, especially because everyone tried to pretend they weren't looking at the way he clung to her side.

During the first day Hanji had thought that keeping Eren entertained until a more serious arrangement for his care was made would be a difficult task, but on the third day everyone had realized he'd be staying for a while, so the change in routine he brought was welcomed with open arms, which meant he was invited everywhere and Hanji had to follow him around. Some wanted to play with him because he reminded them of their siblings, the people who cared for the horses liked having someone who seemed to love the animals as much as them, and those who just wanted to show off had a perfect audience who clapped at every trick.

Soon Eren Yeager had become the most popular person in the area, and, as his guardian, Hanji had become known by everyone as well. The situation had its perks, though; she'd gotten acquainted with one of the newer recruits, a seventeen year old called Philip who spent most of his free time reading everything he could get his hands on, and who'd happily told Eren dozens of stories when he'd asked for them. He also turned out to have some interesting theories about titans. Hanji saved that little piece of information for later; if they wanted her to pretend to research as she kept an eye on Eren, there was no reason not to do a real research at the same time, and Philip would be a useful addition to her team.

While Eren seemed to like the attention, Hanji could see him growing slightly more bitter every day. At first he could spend the whole day laughing and playing, making up stories, giving Hanji a heart attack with his tendency to go to the most dangerous places he could find, and eager to live an adventure, but at the end of the first week he started getting sad without any apparent reason, going and sitting in a corner without so much as looking at Hanji when she called him until someone else (always Levi, but he glared at anyone who tried to bring up the subject) pulled him up and told him to stop sulking.

The truth was that Hanji didn't know what exactly would happen to him. People had been sent to Shiganshina the day after Eren's arrival with the instruction of finding his parents, but they hadn't returned yet and the news they'd sent back were disheartening. They'd found Eren's house completely empty, and further investigation only told them that the doctor, his wife and his son had gone missing a few days ago, so everyone was worried. The group had been there for two weeks, and would be called back.

Every night, Hanji had to meet with Corporal Smith, the Commander, and a couple more officers to report about Eren's behavior, discussing what they'd do later. She hated those meetings, she hated knowing that, in his head, the Commander was already making battle plans that included Eren, the way the other officers looked at her, as if they doubted she had the ability to keep the boy from transforming into a titan if he turned to actually have the ability, the fact that Smith's main worry was the future of humanity, that he would factor Eren into his strategies, no matter how fond of the boy he could grow into that time (he spent some time everyday playing with Eren and the boy had started calling him Erwin, a habit Hanji was picking up despite her best efforts).

During the meetings, she left Eren with Levi. The official reason was that he was the only other person aware of the situation, and he was a good enough fighter to keep a titan from wrecking chaos in the building if it appeared. The real reason was that they got along in a strange way Hanji didn't try to understand. Levi never tried to keep Eren entertained, he never talked to him first or suggested playing, he just sat down and kept an eye on the boy, but Eren didn't seem to mind at all and relaxed in his presence, a real wonder considering that he spent most of the day running around without stopping. Usually, when Hanji went to get him she found Levi doing maintenance to his weapons while Eren played with a deck of cards someone had given him on his fourth day, both of them silent and comfortable. But the night it was decided to make the people sent to Shiganshina return, she walked in to find Eren sleeping on the floor and Levi playing solitaire with the cards. When Hanji tried to approach Eren to get him to bed, Levi gave her a look that implied that the pains of Hell would descend upon her if she dared to wake him up, and the situation was so endearing to Hanji that she smiled broadly, sitting to watch Levi play, pointing out suggestions every now and then, until Eren opened his eyes, and asked the question Hanji had been expecting for days, and for which she didn't have an answer:

"When can I go home?"

Hanji took a deep breath. She thought about putting up a front, but knew that the kid wasn't dumb; that he could sense something was wrong by the way no one ever gave him news and everyone avoided asking him about his life.

"We don't know," Levi, who'd probably gotten bored waiting for her to answer, said as he put away the cards. Eren looked at him in disbelief before fixing his gaze on Hanji. He seemed to be holding onto her answer, waiting for her to prove that the short guy who always looked like he wanted to be somewhere else was just messing with him. Hanji would never be able to forgive herself if she lied.

"I don't know," she said, giving him an apologetic look. "We're trying, but I don't know."

Eren nodded once, twice, and started crying, pushing Hanji away when she tried to touch him - she made a mental note to be more careful with him. She also wondered how long it would be before he decided he should act instead of letting the adults handle things.

 

**VIII.**

Hanji woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of an explosion, and she had a gut feeling that Eren was to blame. Finding the top bunk empty only served to strengthen her suspicions, so she ran out of the room still in her pajamas, only bothering to put on her boots and grab a blade, just in case.

In the hallway, it was chaos. Soldiers were running to see what happened, getting ready to defend the place from what they assumed was an attack. Hanji ignored everyone as she quickly made her way outside, to the place everyone was talking about: the stables.

She arrived to find a group of soldiers surrounding the entrance to the stables, yelling and preparing their weapons. When she approached them they all looked at her, their faces showing so many different emotions Hanji didn't know what to do. Some looked angry and seemed to despise her, others looked hurt, like she'd betrayed their trust, and others looked wary. Everyone seemed afraid, and when she got through enough people to see what had made everyone so defensive, she found out she couldn't blame them.

The door of the stable was closed, blocked by a hand big enough to belong to a 15 meter titan. There was skin on the parts that were in contact with the door, but at the point where the arm should have connected to the upper body, the skin disappeared and there were just the basics of a torso, only enough muscle and bone to keep the arm in place to stop the door from opening. In the middle of the muscle, Eren could be seen, his left arm and his lower body buried in the titan flesh. Around him, everyone was screaming, some people asking for blood, others trying to rationalize the situation, some trying to point out that, for fuck's sake, he was a kid.

Eren looked around him, his face full of terror, and tried and failed to pull himself out of the mass of gore. He opened and closed his mouth, as if completely unable to speak, but his eyes widened when they landed on Hanji and he found his voice.

"Hanji!" he called, a choked sound that passed almost unnoticed among the disaster around him, but Hanji had been waiting for his recognition, for a sign that she was looking at a scared boy and not some monster. She hated herself for a second, for doubting him when she'd known the risks since she found him.

She ran to the door of the stable and, with her blade ready, turned around to face the other soldiers, who were still undecided on what to do. She knew it was only a matter of minutes before someone found the courage to enforce whichever decision they thought was better, but they'd have to fight her if they thought she'd let them hurt Eren.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Eren said, behind her, his voice slightly more high-pitched and shaky.

"Stop moving," Hanji said, glancing back at him to give him a stern look. "I'll handle this."

She turned her eyes back to the soldiers to see a familiar figure emerge from among them. Unlike Hanji, he'd actually taken the time to put on his uniform, so it probably made more of an impression when he approached her, his blade ready with a disapproving look on his face. If Levi wanted to hurt Eren, Hanji would fight him too; it didn't matter how good a combatant he'd proven to be in the few expeditions he'd been on. Instead of trying to get past her, he turned around to face the others.

"Cut him out before anyone gets any ideas," he told her.

Hanji didn't need to be told twice. She ran to Eren, pulling and cutting the titan flesh until he was free to move, then she dropped her blade to hold him firmly and get him out. Eren's arms wrapped around her neck as he hid his face in her chest, clinging tightly to her, his body shaking, like he feared she'd drop him or push him away. She strengthened her hold of him with one arm and used her other hand to rub small circles on his back. In front of her, Levi stood in a defensive position, which made Hanji think of the knights featured in the stories Philip had told Eren so many times already, of brave men who traveled the world to kill a dragon and save their ladies, only this time the lady belonged to herself, someone who could fight as well as the knight, so together they'd protect the dragon from the rest of the world.

"What the fuck's that?" someone yelled.

"That was a titan's arm!"

"What did you bring here?"

"Where did you find it?"

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

"Kill it!"

"It's a kid!"

"Is he even human?"

"What else can he do?"

"Enough!" said the voice of the Commander. For the first time since she'd realized he knew about Eren, Hanji felt relieved he did.

The Commander made his way to the center, straight-backed, looking disappointed and tired. Close behind was Erwin, his lips tight and his eyes hard, his face revealing nothing.

What came next was the biggest lie Hanji had heard in a long time. She had to lower her head to keep her astonishment from showing on her face.

They claimed Eren was the result of years of research and experimentation that intended to create a human-titan hybrid to be used in the war. That he'd been given to a normal family to raise to make sure that he grew up as a normal person, and that the reason they'd found him outside the walls had been because the caretakers had grown irresponsible, activating his titan-shifting abilities before he reached the right age, which was why the Survey Corps, as the only ones capable of handling such a threat, were looking after him.

No one looked very convinced, but questioning one's superiors had historically been considered a fast way to get into trouble, so everyone stayed quiet and directed suspicious stares at Hanji and Eren. Levi had stopped facing the soldiers to look at them as well, his eyebrows almost imperceptibly raised in doubt. The only person who seemed to fully believe the story was Eren, judging by the way he'd gone limp in Hanji's arms, and the look of hopelessness he was giving her.

Hanji could only think to murmur soothing words into his ear as she rocked him back and forth.

 

**IX.**

"I wanted to go home," Eren muttered.

After the speech, they'd hurried Eren to the Commander's office to try to do some damage control, and in that moment Erwin, the Commander and Levi were gathered around the boy and Hanji, who were sitting next to each other on the couch.

The officers who'd been part of the nightly discussions had tried to join the group and get Levi out, but the latter had pointed out that, since they hadn't been part of the "Save the brat from getting lynched" effort, their presence probably wouldn't be well received by the shaken kid, and then he'd escorted them to the door as politely as possible. Hanji, who was still in her pajamas, felt grateful for the diminished public.

Eren sat hunched, with his hands under his legs and his eyes fixed on the floor, refusing to look at anyone who talked to him when he'd been asked if he was okay or needed anything. Hanji had tried to hug him, but he'd pulled away, and she'd been too embarrassed to stand from the couch. She'd also felt that he shouldn't face the men alone, but she wasn't willing to admit that to herself yet - that she'd started thinking in terms of "Us" against "Them," because that meant trying to determine who exactly could be considered part of "Us" (she was almost completely certain that Levi belonged to the group, she wasn't so sure about Erwin, but she knew without a doubt that the Commander would never be welcome).

"What were you planning to do?" said the Commander, with a tired expression on his face.

Eren paused before replying, to gather his thoughts, maybe, or to find the courage to speak. Hanji didn't understand why they bothered asking; there was only one thing a scared kid with one goal in mind could be doing at a stable.

"Take a horse," Eren said, almost mumbling. Hanji would have congratulated herself for the correct guess if the situation hadn't been serious. "Everyone does it all the time, even people who aren't tall. I've seen friends ride horses at home. I could do it."

"You were honestly expecting to be able to ride a horse back home?" the Commander said in a deadpan.

Eren slowly raised his eyes to look at the man accusingly. The boy seemed terrified; he was clearly biting the inside of his cheek and still sitting on his hands, but he didn't flinch when he received a hard stare in return.

"You weren't doing anything," Eren said, his voice so full of anger that Hanji hoped his ability to turn into a titan wouldn't be triggered. Judging by the way she'd found him, she had a guess that his mood influenced the way his titan form behaved, and she wasn't eager to be chased by a fifteen meter titan while still in her pajamas, and that was if she managed to survive the probable collapse the ceiling would suffer after the transformation. She raised her eyes to look at Levi, whose hands had settled on top of the blades' handles as he stared at Eren. Him being one of "Us" didn't mean he wanted to die. "You were never going to do anything! You lied!" Eren yelled, his whole body shaking with rage.

"Yes, we did," Erwin responded, taking a step forward to kneel in front of Eren. "We lied, but not about what you think." Eren's eyes were fixed on the Corporal, and the latter's voice became warmer as he spoke. "What we said outside was a lie to protect you. We apologize for saddening you, but it was necessary. We don't know the truth, and we're trying to discover it, so we did send people to find your parents."

"Are they coming here?" Eren asked, hopeful, finally taking his hand from under his legs.

Erwin paused before replying, in a low voice full of regret.

"We were hoping to reunite you with them and clear things together, but we couldn't find them."

"You're lying," Eren accused, clenching his hands. "You lied before, and you're lying now! Where is my mom? Where is my dad? I want them! You're lying!"

"I am not lying about this, Eren. We don't know where they are."

"Yes, you do! You don't want to take me home!"

"Listen, Eren, we want to protect you. We just lied to all the soldiers in the Survey Corps to make sure they wouldn't touch you. She," Erwin pointed to Hanji as he spoke, and Hanji tried to look as trustworthy as possible, which she guessed meant straightening her back and not trying to fix a single detail of her messy appearance, "dropped her weapon to shield you. And he," Erwin pointed at Levi, who probably didn't like the direction the conversation was taking, but whose face remained expressionless, "was ready to fight all those soldiers. There's not a single person in this room who wants to hurt you."

Eren lowered his head. "You still lied. People shouldn't lie," he muttered.

"No, they shouldn't, but sometimes they have to."

"Are they going to kill me?" Eren questioned in a monotone. "They called me a titan. The Survey Corps kills titans. Will they kill me?"

"No, they won't. We won't let them."

"Am I really a titan?"

Hanji frowned, waiting for the answer. Her heart was beating fast, and she was sure that her hands would have been shaking if she hadn't been digging her nails into the couch with all her strength.

"We don't know," Erwin said, serious again. "We don't know anything about you other than what you've told us and what we've seen. We don't know much about titans either. We might learn more in the future, but for now we can't honestly answer your question, but we will always treat you like a human, and we will keep trying to locate your parents."

"Are you lying?"

"No, Eren. I promise." As he said that, Erwin put his right hand to his heart and his left one behind his back, giving Eren the military salute. It was the right thing to do, because the boy raised his head and nodded, a determined expression on his face.

"What will you do with me?"

"We'd like it if you could stay here, but word of what just happened will probably reach the capital, and they will want to decide what happens to you," the Commander explained, trying to take back his place as the person in charge of the situation, but Eren kept looking at Erwin, who nodded.

"I want to stay here for when you find my parents. What do I have to do?"

"Don't try to escape again. Behave. Prove you're not a threat. They'll want you locked up until they decide," Levi told him. He'd let go of the handles of his blades a while ago. Eren's eyes widened.

"It's true," the Commander said. "What just happened might have made many people uneasy. I'm afraid you will have to stay locked up."

"Not in a cell, right?" asked Hanji, looking at her superiors with challenging eyes. They didn't reply. "Look," she continued, thinking quickly, "I see why a cell might seem like a good idea - I mean, everyone will be worried he might escape, right? But I'll stay with him. We can stay in our room, we won't go out except to use the bathroom, and then we can be escorted. I'll keep my eyes on him all the time. That way you'll prove he's capable of obeying orders - that he's human. It's better, and more humane on our part. He’s a kid, after all." She could feel Eren's eyes on her, but she wouldn't tear her gaze from the Commander, waiting.

After what felt like an eternity but were only a few seconds (she knew, she counted her heartbeats, so fast and strong she could feel them), the Commander nodded.

Hanji wanted to scream in joy and relief. Instead, she thanked the man, then started making arrangements for the week.

 

**X.**

Despite the panic from the "titan in the stables" incident, some people didn't really care and started visiting Eren. The first to arrive, as they ate lunch the day after, was Philip, carrying a couple of books and his own food precariously balanced on top of them. He sat next to Eren on the floor to eat and tell him stories. He told him about a princess locked in a tower; and about a boy who'd left his home to discover what fear was, because he'd never felt it.

"Did those things really happen?" asked Eren, his face red and his eyes shining after he'd finally managed to stop laughing about the ending of the story of the fearless boy.

"I don't know," said Philip, shrugging, "but it wouldn't surprise me."

Eren smiled widely, his teeth showing and his eyes becoming smaller, looking genuinely relaxed for the first time in a couple of days (Hanji could have kissed Philip in gratitude).

The next day, Philip went again at lunch, with stories about knights and fairies. Eren didn't care much for the fairies, but he seemed fascinated by the knight's adventures, so the next day Philip arrived with only one book full of those sorts of tales.

Other than Philip, some soldiers went at various times with cards or toys to entertain Eren, and at night Levi arrived for his babysitting turn, since Hanji still had to report what happened during the day. Sometimes, Levi stayed after Hanji arrived to discuss the boy's future.

The only differences with their previous routine were that they couldn't leave the room and that Eren seemed slightly less comfortable around everyone.

"They won't hurt you," said Hanji on the night of the third day, as she pulled the covers over Eren.

"They tried to," the boy replied, frowning.

"And they're sorry. They won't do it again."

"Do you think so?"

"I'm sure. They learnt their lesson."

Eren seemed dubious. He didn't change the way he behaved around the others, and Hanji had to admit that it was probably the smartest decision.

 

**XI.**

After a week and two days, there was a trial.

Hanji hated everything and everyone that had made it happen, including herself for not stopping Eren from sneaking out that night, Erwin for suggesting it was the only way to make Eren's situation something regular, herself again for recognizing he had a point, the Commander for still looking like he was planning how to best use Eren as a weapon, herself for not punching the Commander in the face, the titans for being the reason people could distrust Eren, herself for not knowing more about the titans to prove how they were different from Eren, and Philip and Levi for stopping her from biting her nails as she watched and heard the process. It was taking all of her willpower to sit still, not tapping her foot, not squirming in her place, but the fact that they were sitting next to her to make her keep her hands down was annoying her. She didn't know what was worse, Philip firmly holding her left hand between his own or Levi slapping her right hand whenever she started raising it to her mouth.

All for the sake of giving a good impression, since the trial would not only determine where Eren would be taken to, but also who would be in charge of taking care of him.

As expected, the Military Police wanted custody of the boy. They claimed he was too dangerous to be kept with a bunch of lunatics who might not even survive the next year of the kid's life, and who probably wouldn't be able to keep him from transforming, as had already been proven. They claimed they would keep Eren calm and contained until he was old enough to be used in a productive way for humanity. That was a nice euphemism for "we'll probably dissect him when he's old enough for us not to feel badly about it, since we're not a fighting branch and there really isn't anything else we can do with him."

Eren was sitting in the middle of the court room, dressed in the nicest clothes they could get him - a white shirt, black pants and a black jacket - which made him look uncomfortable, small and vulnerable, the perfect combination to make people think that cutting him up to see what's inside would never be a good idea. The fact that his eyes were full of fear and nervousness only helped.

Eren looked at her from his place, uncertain, so she gave him a smile before turning to look at the Commander, who was presenting their point which could be summed up as: You haven't fought a thing in ages; these people fight titans all the time. Who has a better chance of actually containing him if he goes crazy? Huh? Come on, say it, we all know the answer. And if you really want to use him for something, let's talk about how a titan can probably kill other titans a lot more easily than tiny people with blades.

There was a pause as the people from the Military Police prepared for their counterargument.

"Then how do you explain the incident from two weeks ago?"

In that moment, Hanji had to fight to keep her proud smile from showing. Being locked in a room for over nine days had given her more than enough time to consider the possibilities for the trial, so she'd been waiting for that question. In fact, as soon as it had come to her mind she'd made sure to prepare for it, by talking to Eren about it and, later, enlisting Levi's and Erwin's help. She wasn't nervous anymore; she couldn't be when she had the right answer.

"That was an unfortunate combination of two elements," she said, her voice even and her eyes serious. "We've taken the liberty to experiment, and we have discovered what, exactly, triggers Eren Yeager's titan abilities. Since the details about both times they were shown have already been presented, I won't bore you and go straight to the point." Truth be told, she really wanted to tell everything about Eren's first transformation as well as what they'd seen at the stables again, but Erwin had implied brevity would make things easier, and Levi had pointed out that making the judge fall asleep wouldn't work in their favor. "When he bleeds, he has the potential to transform, but it won't happen unless he has a goal."

"And what makes you think that's how it works?"

"We made him transform twice afterwards."

Everyone but Levi, Eren and Erwin was staring at her. She could see the Commander keeping a straight face, pretending he'd known all along about the experiments, and she knew she'd probably get reprimanded later for acting without his permission. She hadn't expected him to approve of an experiment consisting of making a titan appear in the headquarters, which was why they'd made it a secret. Four nights before the trial, they sneaked out at midnight, went as far away from the building as they could, then tried to trigger a partial transformation based on what Hanji had guessed after talking to Eren. He'd mentioned that when he'd transformed into a titan the first time, he'd fallen down; when she asked for more details, he said he'd scraped his knees against the ground and bled.

"Did you bleed when you went to get a horse?" she'd asked, her fingers entwined in front of her, eyes shining.

"Yes. One of the horses got scared; I ran to close the door and got a cut on my hand when I closed it."

"What were you thinking about when you closed the door?"

"That if one of the horses escaped, I'd be in trouble and I wouldn't go home, so I had to keep the door closed."

"And when your dad approached you with the needle the day I found you? What were you thinking, then?"

"That I wanted my mom."

Hanji had closed her eyes in thought, a wide smile slowly forming on her face as she reached a conclusion.

"Purpose," she'd said then, grinning. "Blood and purpose," she repeated at the trial. "He's a kid; kids get hurt all the time while playing. He hit his head on the table on his fifth day at headquarters, got an ugly scratch, but nothing happened. He pricked his finger on a needle while I was sewing a button, and nothing happened. But later? He wanted desperately to close the stable's door. He was afraid that it might open and let the horses out. And he was bleeding from a cut. Useful titan arm at his service! With his authorization," Hanji pointed at Eren when she said that, "we pricked his finger again, making him try to reach something we'd left on top of a tree. He produced a titan arm to get it. We repeated the experiment at a later date using a different stimulus, and the same thing happened. Blood and purpose - that's what triggers him."

"In that case," said a member of the Police, "anything can make him transform!"

Hanji wanted to roll her eyes and shake the soldier, but Erwin saved her from speaking.

"All he needs is to be kept unharmed, and unafraid," said the man, calmly. "He knows us already, and he trusts us. We've been together for around a month, so he knows we won't hurt him, therefore there's no reason for him to transform into a titan and run away. He's already expressed his wishes to stay with us and, as our Commander has already pointed out, we are used to fighting titans. We can control him if he transforms."

"And who would take care of him if he remained with the Survey Corps?" asked the judge.

"Hanji Zoë, the person who found the boy and has spent the most time with him, is our first choice." At those words, Hanji stood as straight as she could and gave her most serious look to the man who was currently studying her.

She probably passed the evaluation, because soon afterwards they declared Eren Yeager would stay with the Survey Corps under the vigilance of Hanji Zoë, and his situation would be reevaluated in five years or earlier if they seemed to be unfit as guardians. Also, the search for his parents should be considered a priority.

 

**XII.**

To many people's surprise, Hanji didn't run over to Eren as soon as the trial had ended. She remained perfectly civil and collected on the way to the headquarters, and not even there did she scoop him up to hug him. It was almost like she didn't know what to do.

Which, in fact, she didn't.

Up until that point, Hanji had kept going with the idea that taking care of Eren was a temporary thing. First she thought she'd keep him until his parents appeared, then until the Commander decided where to send him, then until he was assigned to one of the Military's branches, but she'd never really considered that she'd be his official guardian. Even when they'd decided to suggest her for the role the previous week, she'd been more worried thinking about how to win the trial than about what they'd do if they won, and suddenly she'd found herself as the official caretaker of a potential weapon of mass destruction who happened to be a kid.

What surprised many others was that Eren was as quiet as Hanji, not having said a word since they'd left the court.

The boy and the woman sat next to each other in silence on the way back, kept quiet during the afternoon, and barely spoke to each other at dinner, despite the fact that finally being allowed to leave their room should have made them babble in excitement. Philip tried to start a conversation, but they replied with monosyllables or nods, so eventually he gave up.

At night, Hanji awkwardly pulled the covers over Eren, trying to think what to say, but he spoke first.

"What now?" he said, looking at her with wide eyes.

"You stay here and I'm responsible for you."

"You're supposed to be my mom now?" Eren frowned at that.

"No! No, of course not! You have your mom, wherever she is. I won't be your mom. I'll never be your mom. Or your dad. I won't be any kind of parent." Hanji was rambling and didn't know how to stop herself.

"A sister?"

"Not that either, sorry. I have to be responsible."

"What does that mean?"

"That if you suddenly decide to juggle knives, I'll stop you, tell you that you did something wrong, then ground you so you learn your lesson."

"Like a mom."

"No. I'll be Hanji. Just Hanji. Always Hanji. Hanji, yes, that's good."

"Hanji?"

"Yes." She reached to run her fingers through Eren's hair. She hadn't done that since his first night at headquarters.

"And you'll always be Hanji?"

"For as long as you want me to. It's a promise."

"Really?"

Hanji pulled her hand back and adopted the position of the military salute, right hand to her heart, looking straight into Eren's eyes.

"Eren Yeager, I promise you I'll be Hanji, with all that that means, for as long as you want me to. I promise I'll watch over you, I promise I'll make a good person out of you, because your parents aren't here. I promise I won't let anyone hurt you, that the only way they could keep me from helping you when you need it would be by sending ten people against me, and even then I'd fight. I brought you into this mess and I'll make sure you are safe."

Eren looked pensive for a second before grinning.

"That's enough," he said. "I'm sure you'll be a good Hanji."

"I'll do my best." Hanji laughed, and a thought came to her mind. "Hey, I never asked you. How old are you?"

"Five. You didn't know?"

"I'd guessed, but I wasn't sure. When's your birthday?"

"March 30th."

"There's still a while until then. I'll make sure we throw you a party."

Eren's smile was so wide that Hanji thought that maybe, just maybe, becoming someone's Hanji at nineteen years old wasn't so bad.

**Author's Note:**

> Because the readers at the kink meme are beautiful and perfect people, there's fanart. Here, [look at Isabel](http://veto-power-over-fanworks.tumblr.com/post/59538938289/veto-power-over-clocks-mermaidglitch-was).
> 
> My moirail is a beautiful and perfect person who made fanart too just because I asked for it: [ _“The boy looked at her hand, then back at her and then, slowly, reached it and shook it with his own.”_ ](http://brownies-and-cupcakes.tumblr.com/post/62472572653/the-boy-looked-at-her-hand-then-back-at-her-and)


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